Today is the epitome of a rough day. Started out pretty good with my first day of drivers training, but the later that the day progressed, I started thinking and comepletely lost my mind. I need to know when to stop thinking and day-dreaming so much because all it does is bring me down.
It’s hard to hear rumors about some of your closest friends, and hearing how harsh they are. Of course you don’t want to believe them but there is always this voice in your head that says that there is a huge possibility that it can be true. Especially when you knew that one of your friends would end up like this. I don’t even know you anymore. It’s hard to go through because we always said that we would be friends for forever. I’m shaking just realizing that not only have you changed, but so have I. It’s easy to get lost at my age, but you always think that it won’t affect you. You are the mature one, above all of it. But truly, I don’t think I am. I’m the most boring, normal girl you could get. Nothing too interesting, nothing too striking. I’m here. Being me. Nothing special. And don’t even feel bad for me or tell me that I’m wrong, because I know myself. I may set high standards and not reach them, or not having much going for me, but I keep going. Living everyday like everyone else on the world. I think I was made for something greater though. I can think up all of these senarios where my life could be the epitome of perfection, but I bring myself down from this so called ‘high’ by realizing that I’m not going to get to these standards.
The worst part is that I can tell myself all of this, and it still doesn’t change my outlook on life. I can write down how I’m feeling anytime that I desire, but it doesn’t take away what has scarred me.
It’s a living and learning process.
Charlotte
